28 Years Later: Nirvana’s In Utero is Sadboi Hours Music
“Teenage angst has paid off well / Now I’m bored and old.”
Kurt Cobain’s opening lines on In Utero opener “Serve the Servants” can’t get any more real as I turn a year older. After purging away negative emotions during the early months of the pandemic through listening to a lot of depressing music, I feel like an old man now, whose quarantine habits have enveloped his existence. Sometimes, writing, going for walks, meditating, and journaling every day can seem mundane despite being a boon for my mental health, but I’d like to think I’m getting through the anxiety anyway. During those sadboi hours, I would achieve some kind of catharsis from listening to Nirvana’s In Utero, an album released on the same year I happen to be born.
Imagine being a rock star in the ’90s. All the drug and alcohol consumption with no internet? Where would you find all the self-help blogs on taking care of yourself while touring? Where can you find all the daily affirmations on Instagram to tell yourself that you’re going to be okay? Obviously, Kurt Cobain’s problems probably required much more than an app to tell you to meditate today, but Kurt’s final but enduring piece of music tells me that dejection can at least lead to a great work of art.
Listening to In Utero today, I can’t help but think of the sadboi/sadboi hour memes permeated in our culture. Nirvana gen-X-er stans reading this might vomit at the thought of associating the two, but it’s fascinating to view an album in today’s all-consuming internet meme culture.
So what is a sadboi, and what are sad boi hours? As one who gets in his feels on occasion (that’s a lie), I define sadboi hours as the time when people (usually young cis-gendered straight males) wallow in their pain late into the night, feel vulnerable, maybe shed a tear, and listen to the music of the heartbroken. The meme’s proliferation can be attributed to today’s emo rappers, which trace back to the cloud rap days of Lil B, Yung Lean and his Sad Boys crew. You’ll often see hip-hop and R&B artists with a flair for misery like Drake, Frank Ocean, or even Kanye associate with sadboi hours, but memes are flexible.
Some argue that this meme might encourage men who don’t know how to express negative emotions to do so in a healthy matter. Others might say that the meme, having evolved into a trend and even a lifestyle, might “[glorify] negative emotions and depressed mental states.” I’ll admit, though, to say that In Utero is sad boi hours music is pretty reductive and certainly clickbaity, but what’s a music review without a “hot” take?
With lyrics like “I think I’m dumb” (“Dumb”), “Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld / So I can sigh eternally” (“Pennyroyal Tea”), or “I miss the comfort in being sad” (“Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle”), it’s easy to take in Cobain’s fragility with open arms, and take in all the pain to cleanse yourself from the pain. Just look at the sadness in this man’s eyes, and imagine the emotional toll it took to write this record, a year before his suicide.
Musically, In Utero would not fit into the standard sadboi hours’ genre selection, even if many sadboi hours-type artists cite him as an influence (Just ask Lil Uzi Vert). As one of the last great grunge albums, the record seeks to annihilate, leaving Cobain’s pop inclinations from their previous record Nevermind left to the dust. Instead of immersing yourself in the heartsick sparseness of Blond, why not have a one-person mosh to “Radio Friendly Unit Shifter,” as Cobain sings, “What is wrong with me? / What is what I need?” Instead of shedding a tear to “Marvin’s Room,” why not accept your despondency to “All Apologies?” (“All in all is all we are”).
It’s difficult to surmise what happened between the release of In Utero and his suicide. It’s a little chilling, actually. As some critics put it, it was a musical suicide note, but I’d like to think that he hadn’t decided on committing to the act at the time of writing the record.
I’m glad to have made it past 27, the age that Kurt passed away. I’m grateful for still having enough motivation to go outside for a walk, even if I’m feeling down. The depression and other mental health issues he faced was an unfortunate phase in his life that had to end in death. In the end, we can celebrate Nirvana and Kurt Cobain’s legacy through listening to In Utero, whether it’s during sadboi hours or not. Sometimes, listening to music that acknowledges one’s own pain can help us get through the day and remind us to be appreciative of what we have now.
